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Writer's pictureStacy Jensen

Permission to Grieve



Good day, Purposeful Hearts! As my eyes watched the calendar flip to another November, my heart followed the weeks ahead toward Thanksgiving and the start of the holiday season. I treasure this time of year so much, and in my efforts to live purposefully, I try to slow time down with all my might. (I wish I could say this was a successful effort every time!)

 

Though this time of year is truly magical for many people, it can be challenging for those who look at Thanksgiving and Christmas simply as reminders of loved ones they lost and the empty chairs that amplify their absence. And yet, with hurt in their hearts, they can feel pressure to keep up with the “holiday cheer” that we’re all supposed to feel at this time. They can feel the need to clam up about their feelings as though they need special permission to grieve.

 

Are you one of those people? Are you part of the support system for one of those people? If so, I have a collective challenge for all of us. Let’s rethink our societal instincts to push the grieving person to race through their grief and put on a happy face just so the relational atmosphere is more comfortable for the rest of us. Our good intentions to cheer them up might be ill-timed. Their efforts to comply will feel inauthentic if they’re not truly ready.

 

What if, in this season of hospitality, we became more welcoming of and caring toward the deeper needs of the people around us? I’ll still serve you turkey and mashed potatoes, but could I really seek to connect with your heart and what’s going on for you in life as well? I’ll still take your coat and get you a cup of coffee, but could I also just sit with you and share your tears for a moment? We can still delight in the beautiful decorations and music, but what if we didn’t distract ourselves silly and instead took some time to carry each other’s burdens in the spirit of true fellowship?

 

Make this a season of deep connection in your life. Talk. Share. Comfort. Pray. Be vulnerable. Don’t rush through your pain. Let God use our social circles to bring the gifts of healing and togetherness this year – gifts that we often trade for the sweets and spectacles of the season.

 

So, in the spirit of having a purposeful day, how can you grant this special permission to grieve to yourself or someone you love today? Who needs this kind of support from you this holiday season? If you’re in need of such support, who is a trusted confidant you could turn to for connection and comfort? In every season, you have permission to grieve.

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